Mental Health Check: What I Did To Overcome Seasonal Depression

The lowest part of my life was during the Fall of 2017 when I transferred to a new college. Looking back at it, I believe I went through some form of depression. I can't remember the day-to-day, but I do remember the feelings.

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That storm cloud that hovers over people's heads in cartoons? Yeah, that's very real.

It was so dark and empty in that state of mind that I felt like there was no running from the truth: I was an utter and complete failure. I believed I was failing myself because I saw a drop in my grades, an uptick in my weight, and a plateau in my productivity. As a result, I would make myself feel better by skipping class, ordering in, and watching a movie. This cycle led to a hermit-like lifestyle. I would go to campus when I had to and spend the rest of my time at home or at my second job. And on the outside, looking in, there wasn't much difference in my actions. Therefore, people didn't know that something was wrong with me. I mean, I don't get out much, to begin with.

I knew things had to improve, but my wake-up call came to me in the form of my grades. At the end of the semester, my GPA was a whopping 1.14.

I was dumbfounded because I was getting hit with scary phrases like academic probation, major withdrawal, and academic dismissal.

It took me a while to pinpoint how I would improve the next semester and when I did, I used it to get out from under that storm cloud.

I'm getting vulnerable because I know I'm not the only one who experiences emotions like this.

Sometimes it comes in waves, and sometimes it feels like you're drowning.

I still experience the blues (or what may be a degree of seasonal depression), but I want to share what I do to pull myself out of that feeling.

Before I tell you what I did specifically, I want to remind you that I am not a medical psychologist or professional. This post lists the things I did and still do whenever I am emotionally stuck.

In case you need any extra help. Here's a list of hotlines you can use.

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I Made a Decision

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First, I decided never to feel out of control of myself again.

Being a psych major, I know how powerful the mind is. With it, a person could accomplish the impossible or, in my case, be rendered immobile by negative emotion.

Because I understood this, I knew I would have to face my biggest adversary: myself.

The person I was at the time couldn't survive past that moment. Meaning the Zainab who let her emotions dictate how she lived had to go.

No, I did not become impossibly chipper and optimistic. I did, however, become realistic.

I knew that dwelling equaled stagnancy, so I hoped for the best and prepared for the worst from now on. At the very least, I've learned to have a plan to move forward if things don't go my way.

Start Small

Breaking the bad habits that I built would be hard, and nothing changes overnight.

By making small improvements to habits to everyday, I saw exponential growth in my lifestyle.

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I would have to make minor, positive adjustments to see a correction.

To improve my productivity and interactions, I decided to make the small change of staying on campus longer than my work-study shift.

It may not seem like much, but this encompassed everything I considered uncomfortable. Mainly because a lot of people in one place makes me anxious, and pre-pandemic, that's all campus was.

It was a challenging transition. I would still find myself taking hidden pathways to get to work, class, and the shuttle without anyone seeing me. However, by staying longer, I could get comfortable with being uncomfortable, leading me to my next point.

Do The Opposite of What's Familiar

This was the most challenging adjustment.

I'm naturally introverted, but in this season of my life, it added to the problem.

So at the time, I tried to modify this aspect of myself. With the difference of being on campus longer every day, I would challenge myself to interact with people for no other reason than to interact with them.

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I now had a partner I went to the gym with, clubs I was a part of, and friends I saw almost every day.

If I had an issue with a concept in class, I used to try to understand it on my own and failed to figure it out. Now I forced myself to go to supplemental sessions or my professor's office hours, which increased my grades.

I still picked quieter routes to class, work, and the shuttle, but I wasn't nervous by heavily populated areas as much anymore.

Pinpoint Your Triggers

5 Steps to Pinpointing Triggers (100 Steps Mission)

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I had to face the things that caused me to fall deeper into sadness.

That meant that along with confronting and changing my bad habits, I also had to face people I felt wronged me through that period. Either through what I felt was neglect or by being just outright rude.

I did this by either talking to them or modifying the behavior I would accept if people wanted to be around me. This was easy, considering I felt this way towards about three people.

I could understand how unaware they were of my situation by speaking to them. As I said at the beginning, not much had changed on the outside looking in.

By speaking up, a conversation was able to be had. I realized that, in many cases, these individuals did nothing wrong. They just chose to live when I didn't. Or even worse, they were going through their trials, and I didn't notice.

I was the neglectful one.

I met any new relationship with these boundaries, so it was easy to feel more secure in the relationships that I built.

By taking the time to have these conversations, I could internalize the power of making myself heard and realize that I always had the opportunity to be, at the very least, content.

Take Responsibility

After doing all this, you know what I learned?

I had the opportunity to take control of my situation the entire time, but I didn't take responsibility for my role in my life.

It was me who slipped into self-destructive habits. It was me who didn't build relationships where I had people I considered friends. It was me who didn't speak up when I needed help.

Please, take an active role in the life you live. You deserve the best, you deserve to be happy, and you deserve to love the fact that you even exist, but you will not get that if you do not demand it from yourself and the people around you.

Conclusion

I know this was probably one of my heavier posts, but #goalgetters have to face both the good and bad of life in stride. But I want to know, was this helpful? How could it have been better? Do you have anything to add? Put it in the comments; the community would love to hear from you!

Signed,

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Mental Health Check: What I Did To Overcome Seasonal Depression

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